Contrasting Imperfections

People always wonder what should be the mantra for a companionship. The answer is very simple. Every companionship- be it spouses, mother-son, father-son, friends and a lot more. All of this is based on a clear rule.

There should exist a contrasting imperfection in either of them. For example, if a better half or friend lacks a sense of humour, it should be supplied by the other half in its fullest. I mean, he should have a brim full of humour.

Another analogy is this: If a person is intelligent to the fullest, his partner should lack it to a great degree. It is very wise to say that the other person should feel the lacking greatly and admire the intellectual- the lacking should be visible. Such contrasting imperfection is very much essential in any companionship- say, marriage. This is the very thing seen in the partner.

With this, the journey will become all the more worthwhile. The persons complement each other and live a long time together. Isn’t it very wise to have a look at?

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Delirious Growth

People around children always are on the verge of excitement. The almost attained delirium is ‘when is the child growing up?’ While most of the children make these ‘grown ups’ sad with the things going up as usual, the ‘bodily grown-ups’ always mutter a few words of dissatisfaction to these. The reason is ‘he is not growing up.’

The readers can judge these mutterers to be mature. But, let me offer a few revelations about them. They seem to think that only their version of growing up is right.

To be clear, every pervert individual thinks that ‘growing up’ is right according to him. For example, alcoholic perverts –however mild they may be– think that the moment the child drinks, he has grown up; lustful people think courting a girl makes him grown up; robbers think stealing the first goods makes him grown up. This can go on and on.

They are so obsessed with the child that they ‘help’ him with everything possible to grow up. Doesn’t this beg the question, ‘who is grown up? The child or the pervert? And more so, what makes him grown up? Is it the stature or the vices? I think the former is very applicable and anything else sounds lame.

Honour and Popularity

There is a vast difference between the above two words in many aspects. Honour is greater than popularity. The former (honour) is given to people for sacrifice and such, while the latter (popularity) is taken by a good strategy. Popularity has an ulterior motive- one that cares for oneself. Honour lasts very long for many people.

Let’s look at the different areas in which these words are used.

  • Honour is used for martyrs, people who have sacrificed and suffered for a cause. The examples are saints, soldiers, celebrities known for a cause, activists, freedom fighters and more. This word carries a lot of weight. They are super heroes, etched forever in people’s minds. These are worth emulating and warriors use this word in a lot of their endeavours.
  • Popularity is a bit less appealing than honour. Every celebrity known not to support a cause or inspire people falls into this category. There are a lot of them.

This is a true testimony that something bestowed (honour) is greater than something taken (popularity). Hence, it is wise to always seek honour more than popularity- never advertise yourself. A sacrifice generates more respect. Doesn’t it?

Sharing and Caring

Many people in the world have very different tastes. Something that looks good to one as private, passes as not so private to the other. Many individuals who are not a people’s person, have inhibitions regarding the sharing of their belongings. They have a large subset of things labeled personal and are in no way interested to share them with their partners.

While others share everything with them, these people are very reclusive to this idea. They won’t part with things such as clothes, flash drives, favourite mugs, etc. But, this is in stark opposition to their fellowmen, who regard things more gravely personal such as dentures, toothbrushes, spectacles and etal as not worth sharing.

The former people mostly share things with a large part of their compatriots, just to keep themselves in their good books. While, they may be in their good books, the liberal attitude takes a backseat among their close family. Imagine, who wants to share ‘personal’ belongings with their kin, only to find later that they are lost by the borrower. The liberal friend of the borrower is hated for this.

The people with this mindset wherein there are no inhibitions in sharing, just want to please their friends and are dependent on them for the sake of fun. More the people they acquaint with, more is the fun and frolic expected. This is the very base of relationships prevalent in the society. But, company of friends should be kept after a lot of deliberation.

No one wants to have their secrets revealed in public because of a sour friendship. Do they?

The Absent Pride

People in their day-to-day lives mistakenly take a lot of other unrelated parameters to gauge pride. What they do is jump to conclusions regarding them and never even put a miniscule amount of effort into getting to the depth of the person’s character. A lot of these misconceptions can be cleared by just having a harmless chat with their victim. This willful ignorance is character assassination at its best.

Here are a few of the misconceptions that may hide a number of these listed perceptions of the victim.

  • Self-sufficiency¬†Because of this, many people reject others company and is largely found in businesses and their dealings. For example, why would a person with a prestigious clientele want to accept incompetent offers? This will be harmful to the reputation of his business. He has got all the things needed to sustain him and can never want more. Needless to say, this is not pride.
  • Fear of bad company¬†This fear becomes a barrier in healthy friendships. A friend of mine was rejected another’s company because the person thought of him as a ruffian. The misfit trait he found out was that my friend used first names to address his professors. This was not a gentlemanly conduct in the person’s eyes. So, he kept a distance from him. My friend took this deterrent for pride.
  • Indifference¬†This quality largely effects a perception in many people. I was constantly taken for a haughty person by a relative because of never engaging in a talk with her. The truth was that I was wanting for her to make the first move and ignorant of this perception she developed. Gradually, at the behest of a family member, she made the first move and found me out to be a warm, gentle person. Obviously, I was not proud in this case.

These qualities are mistaken because of a lack of effort to know people. Putting to rest the doubts in their minds, people should soften their defenses inflicted by past wounds. These prejudices can result in otherwise courteous individuals’ character assassination. So, never judge a person without knowing him. The result would be a forfeited healthy relationship. Keep your hasty judgments in check.

The Tyranny of Unearned Respect

People in various families have an inherent tendency to entrust their care into villainous individuals’ hands, who don’t deserve the spot. These undeserving people rule with an iron hand. Most of their antics are related to favouritism and manipulation. Many gullible people have fallen prey to their whims.

Rather than regretting their deliberations later, the best a victim can do is to handpick these candidates thoroughly. Leaving no lacunae in this process, all should be done well to ensure the presiding elders are worthy. These can qualify to be those who have earned their respect among the family members- preferably, popular ones.

I remember a man who was duped by a haughty lady. The eerie nature of the dupe amounting to a few lakhs of rupees was that the victim considered her a mother, when in fact, she was just a relative. After this heist, it was impossible for him to recover the money. All her vile tactics had been implemented and the thoughts she had put into his mind had bore fruit. What resulted was a tremendous mess of relationships. All he could do was detest the vile nature of the woman.

Absolutely nothing can be done to preempt such type of fraud. All a person can do is to understand that the ‘motherly’ nature of the woman is not biological, and hence, is a reason enough to reconsider the overdependence on her decisions. Having blind faith in her deliberations is not a good thing to do. He should hear other kinsmen and not blindly trust her. It would do good for him not to remain objective in his opinions about trustworthy people throughout- another trace of this dupe.

People should welcome others inhibitions and benefit from them.

Of Brawn with Brains

People in the post pubescent stage uptill adolescence have a keen interest in idols of perceived belligerence. But, as the years wane down their enthusiasm for spite, these idols lose sheen in their minds. Imagine elders –presumably, not those ‘young at heart’– reprimanding the youth for lack of sensitivity. These people of wisdom do not approve of insensitivity towards fellowmen for a very well-thought-of reason.

The trigger-happy youth idols do gain a huge following for their enthusiasm, but nonetheless, never acquire respect. Respect and reputation are gained by working hard. And these very things help one bolster a place in people’s minds, never to lose it. Otherwise, people change sides or shift loyalties to different idols.

Dilip Vengsarkar was very impressed with Sachin Tendulkar right from the start of his career. A very great quality, he reckons, is the lack of authoritarianism in Tendulkar. As the Chief Selector, Tendulkar built a reputation in his eyes, and this sustained him through a large part of his career. In fact, he admonished Kapil Dev for suggesting that Sachin retire from ODIs.

Hence, people should use some brains to imbibe morals in them and build a reputation. This makes the going easy in perilous times, when the gallows beckon. Be warned.